Monday, September 16, 2013


photo by Steve Martin

A teaspoon of whiskey from every bar in town.  That’s not what I said, although the reaction has been the same as if…What I said was “I want to eat my way down the Midway.”  I do not want to toss corny dog trailers and fried butter vendors into the air.  I do not care to spin all the cotton candy, green, pink, and blue, into one sugary ball and roll it all past a goldfish in a bowl that will be won and carried home, named Elvis and live for one year.  I wouldn’t dare throw up smoked turkey legs pretending to juggle- though be advised, if you decide to take a ride their greasy effect is not subtle.  I do feel crazy when diners are too lazy, squirting mustard and ketchup from big jars of condiments all over fries and corny dogs, letting it drip and mix,  – just too icky.   Please clean it up quickly. 
Don’t blame the hot dog rolling on a stainless log or the “fresh” corn bobbing in a watery bog.  Shirts and shoes required for service.  I am nervous about “used by” dates though I won’t pull the plug at Steak on a Stick but at another fair it once made me sick.  It’s really just a Middle- Eastern kabob grilled for the mobs.  Fresh kettle corn!?  I’ll fight for the first bunch of that buttery, warm, sugary, salty, crunch.  Fried twinkies and snicker bars won’t earn my attention. 
But I’m headed for detention when I unhook the little cart frying funnel cakes.  Will I make it through the gates?  Could it be the powdered sugar on my hands and face?  I did not plan for this sudden escape.  And someone thought I would be trouble.  All I wanted was to take a walk down the Midway, have a bite of this and that and watch other people do the same.  Funnel cake larceny has gotten the best of me.  I won’t give them my real name.  What will a respectable woman do?
a woman who is not trouble as long as she gets a funnel cake and a State Fair of Texas Corny Dog
(From the very best State Fair in the World, I bring you Big Tex, who will make his return to the Texas State Fairgrounds on September 27, after last year's flaming demise.)


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